Today I am going to tell you about Alan's dressing up escapades. I have to admit that a great amount of planning, shopping and preparation is carried out for Alan's outfits until Alan is finally satisfied with the end result, which in the past has ranged from kinky Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Show, to Worzel Gummidge off the telly.
Women have featured a couple of times in Alans repotois with noticible appearances from Tina Turner and Ting Tong from Tooting. (What is it with ladies starting with T?) Tina Turners boots were purchased on ebay. Thigh length patent PVC with 4 inch heels, they were red and black and had to be laced from the bottom to the top. Alan had lessons to perfect his ladies walk but I think he got confused as it ended up more like a John Wayne swagger. That night when we were out, we had a theft at our house. I can only imagine what the thieves must have thought when they were casing the joint and saw a rather large bandy woman trying to walk to the car. "They deserve to get robbed looking like that!" 2 days after the party, I was amazed when Alan successfully re-sold the boots to a man in London. I guess it takes allsorts.
Ting Tong from Tooting brought us different challenges. Being a Thai lady, Alan's rosy complexion needed a little work. After some careful consideration and a little improvisation, we discovered that curry powder made an excellent foundation for covering the skin. It took quite a lot of hard work to persuade Alan of this but eventually Ting Tong was created and wearing a lovely green velvet mini dress, off we went to the New Year's fancy dress party. I am pleased to report that the evening was a great success apart from a few complaints about a weird spicy smell and that when Alan changed into normal attire and fell asleep in the chair, he was still wearing his cherry red lipstick. Yes folks, there is photographic evidence available.
A lot of time and effort is put into Alan's costumes, for example, Worzel Gummidges hat was hung outside for days so that it could be covered in authentic pigeon shit! I really think things were taken slightly too far though, when Alan decided to go to the OAP Fancy Dress party in a home made coffin. Measurements were taken and a full sized coffin was made from some lightweight plastic sheeting that had been 'acquired' from work. It was slightly unnerving when I had to lie down in the construction so that Alan could secure the sides, but eventually it was put together, painted oak brown and had RIP enscribed on the front. Alan was to wear it upright and shuffle along with his feet at the bottom. Alan was very pleased with his efforts but had neglected to think of one little problem. As we did not have the pleasure of owning a full size black hearse and the party was in Whitchurch how could transportation take place? Luckily we had a landrover (phew) and with all of the seats down and me squashed in the passenger footwell, off we went. I have to say that our friends were a bit shocked when they opened their front door and there was a coffin stood on the doorstep but luckily they were not too traumatised. Their children thought it was great fun and spent the evening sitting in it and whizzing down the stairs. I was slightly amused when at school the following Monday, the children had written all about "playing in daddys friends coffin" in their news!
Alan loves to dress up and if my blog so far does not convince you, last Christmas, and for the sole reason that it was Christmas Eve, he decided to wear an elf costume to the pub. It was slightly embarrassing as we met some friends and caught the bus. Unfortunately for Alan, we all sat with a bit of distance between him and us, but the passengers seemed amused and he did have some funny comments. My friends Mum saw the photo of Alan the elf on Facebook and asked "Did anyone else dress up?" . "Did he do it for a bet?" The answer to both of these questions is no and I think that says it all really.
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