Alan has lots of good friends and if you think that you could be top of the list, I am sorry to bring disapointment. That acolade goes to the one and only 'Jack Daniels'. In fact I have come to the conclusion that any drink with an alcoholic content of more than 4% could be in the running as Alan's best friend. I have often wondered where Alan's love of alcohol has come from and after a bit of thought, I have come to the conclusion that his Grandmother and Grandfather (god rest their souls) may well be responsible. His Grandma was renowned for her sherry trifle, which should in fact have been called 'trifle sherry' due to the volumn of drink that she would pour into the bowl. In addition, I once witnessed his Grandad putting a 'little something stronger' in Alan's coffee. while we were visiting one day for a chat. "What is wrong with this" I hear you say, but I am sure that Cinzano is not the choice of normal people? Is it?
Alan seems to have given himself a bit of a reputation for being a drinker. When invited to friends parties, you never know what he will produce as his contribution. When most people would bring crisps or sausage rolls, Alan will turn up with two dozen absynth jellies in assorted colours, conveniently set in shot glasses. Only yesterday when attending a post wedding cheese and wine party, instead of a nice cabernet sauvignon, Alan brought vodka, ginger beer and a bag of limes. He then preceded to make jugs of Moscow Mules, (a very tasty cocktail) for everyone. And yes, they were very nice, but I was a little concerned that the brides father may topple over when he eventually stood up from his chair. He did rather enjoy a glass or six!
For any responsible parents still reading, please skip this paragraph as it may spoil you current opinion of Alan. When your 10 year old son asks if we can pop into The Flower Pots for a glass of Stowford Press I have to say that alarm bells were set off. Was Alan's love of alcohol rubbing off on the children? Once, when given a couple of bags of spare apples, Alan tutored our number 3 son in producing a rather tasty batch of apple cider wine. Don't normal people make pies or crumbles? Oh, and how many mums have had to stop their 12 year old son from selling apple cider wine to his school friends at £5 per bottle? Luckily, nobody thought to tip off customs and excise and he got away with it, banking £20 in the process. I think Alan was a bit jealous as he had not had the same level of success when making up his 'Party Four'' kit from Boots in the 70's.
It is scary to think how much Alan's love of drink has cost us financially but a few bairgains have been purchased over the years. One notable occasion was when Alan did a bit of wheeling and dealing and managed to buy a dead mans' home made wine collection for £10. "Timing is everything" said a well chuffed Alan. The following day he joined a stag party for a weekend of boating and fun. Alan's bargain paid off as it was reported that he had preceded to drink a whole bottle of oak leaf wine for his breakfast saving on the purchase of eggs, bacon, toast and tea. Alan can be quite odd sometimes.
We all know that Christmas is a time for drinking and merryment. Alan always seems to have to take things to the extreme and last Christmas was no exception. Alan announced that he wanted Kellogs Frosties for his breakfast. I just tend to go with the flow, but I did feel slightly sick when he covered them in lashings of Baileys Irish Cream. His response was "IT'S CHRISTMAS!
Anyway, to finish my writing today, we will end where we started, with Mr Daniels. Alan is currently working on a project to convert a Jack Daniels bottle in to a table lamp. He has been in discussion with a clever creative friend and it looks like it will be a goer. OK readers, with the evidence given, would you agree that Alan has alcohol issues? When asking Alan if he thinks he is an alcoholic he says "definitely not. Alcoholics have to have a drink as soon as they wake up, don't they?" Hmmmm, perhaps he should read my blog.
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