Today's blog could end up in divorce, because its on the topic of driving. As long as we have been on the road, there have been debates on whether Men or Women are the better drivers. Let me tell you about Alan.
Firstly, Alan is the only person that I know, who has managed to throw himself through the back windscreen of a car when riding a Puch Maxi. Now, those of you of a younger generation will not know what one of these is, so I suggest you ask the master of all knowledge that is 'Google' if you are not sure. Your first thought might be that young reckless teenager Alan was riding a super bike resembling a rocket so fast, that he propelled himself into the said car. However, this was not the case. In actual fact, he was bombing along at about 20 miles an hour, and neglected to see a car reversing along the road towards him. Luckily, although the driver of the car was a bit shocked to find an intruder arrive in his back seat, nobody was seriously hurt. It was time for Alan to progress to the safer option of 4 wheels and find a car.
The Hillman Imp is not really a cool option for a car. (Once again, refer to Google images) Resembling a matchbox on wheels, with something akin to a lawn mower engine in the boot, it would not have been my first choice. Alan however, was in love with his little car and did emphasise quite a lot that it was not just a Hillman Imp, but a Hillman Imp Sport. Well, obviously this made all the difference and to enhance Alan's manly image, he proceeded to pimp the car and add a 6 foot arial on the roof. This was to assist with the CB radio reception which was a priority in those days. In the old days, it was very trendy to have a coloured sticker right across the top of you windscreen with your name printed on it. Alan decided to purchase one of these stickers, as the final touch required to make his super car, super cool. Instead of having his proper name printed, he went for his CB handle. (For those of you under the age of 40, this is like an appropriate 'user name' that you choose for yourself, for when you use a CB radio.) You may think Alan would go for something like 'Butch Bucknole' or 'Handsom Hulk' but no, Alan's car was labelled with 'Worzel'. (A not overly attractive scarecrow off the telly!) Alan's car was now ready for the road. One of my memories of Alan's first journey was when he took my Mum for a spin around Alresford to show off his new wheels. Alan can get easily distracted, and on spotting a friend walking up the town, Alan momentarily forgot that he was driving. As he also forgot to look where he was going and took a little trip on the pavement, frightening my mum to death!
In 1981, Alan went to college. At last, with the influence of his mates, he got a bit more classy and borrowed £500 to purchase a canary yellow Ford Capri. This was more like it! Built to look more like a rocket than the Hillman Imp, you had to basically lay down in the driving seat with your legs outstretched before you, as the required driving position. Unfortunately, one evening, Alan managed to implant this lovely car into a big grassy bank, when he was taking a sharp bend at the speed of a formula 1 car. The trusty Haynes Manual had to come out and a few trips to the scrap yard were made before it was fixed and back on the road.
Other little incidents came later and include Alan driving into the back of a car, whilst in a slow moving queue in Winchester. Once again, he was waving to someone he spotted near by and didn't realise that the cars in front had stopped. Another time, 2 weeks after buying our shiny new car, Alan decided to put the wind up a young Lada driver who was driving too close behind him. Alan put on the brakes to give him a shock and he ploughed right into the back of us. Our new car spent two weeks in the garage but the Lada that was built like a tank, didn't have a scratch on it.
Alan used to be what we call a 'Sunday Driver', but since leaving the farm I have to admit that he has improved. He now drives miles for work every day, but age seems to have been accompanied by impatience and Alan now gets 'road rage'. If you do not indicate on a roundabout, travel endlessly in the middle lane of the motorway, overtake in your lorry and hold the traffic up, dither at traffic lights or take your time parallel parking, look out for Alan. He will be the one giving you hand signals from the car behind!
2 comments:
Post a Comment